No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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