dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
