i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
