So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
