Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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