I wish I could teleport
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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