The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
