My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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