He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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