it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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