yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
