I murdered the dance floor call the cops
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
