They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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