I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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