Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Girls should come with a carfax report
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
