My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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