you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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