Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize