Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i now understand why vodka
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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