im six kinds of drunk right now
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
