I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have surprise drugs for everyone
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
