i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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