I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
