i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
