i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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