Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
