I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
