Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
