So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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