Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
