yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize