Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
