I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
