First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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