And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
