I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
