If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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