You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
