i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
