I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
