I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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