Sry I called you an 8
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
