There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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