So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize