Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
