Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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