You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
