you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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