my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
