Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
