I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
