why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
