When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
