i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
