my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
love makes seman taste better
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
