He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
