bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
