If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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