After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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