you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
