Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
