Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
