someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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