I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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