He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
