my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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