Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
