peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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