Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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