Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
