I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
