Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
