You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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