I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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