i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
