that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize